Why Praising Your Child's Efforts is Better Than Treating Them with a Marshmallow

Willpower

A famous paper released in 1970 by Stanford professor Mischel and his graduate students Ebbesen and Zeiss enticed children with their preferred treat, a marshmallow or pretzel. If they waited, they would get their preferred treat; if not, they got the other. They ran three iterations. Some of them had the treat visible, and some did not. Other scenarios had some of the children distracted by thinking of happy things, sad events, or the treats, and the researchers concluded that not having the treats visible and distractions resulted in longer waiting times before the children asked for them. The study concluded that children with more willpower could reap benefits later. However, this is not the famous marshmallow experiment often cited by people claiming that children who waited longer become more successful later in life.

Marshmallows and Success

In 1990, Shoda, Mischel, and Peake investigated the SAT scores later achieved by the children to see if the ones who waited longer had better scores. The children who waited longer with the treats in plain sight and no distractions did much better on their SATs.

In 2000, Ayduk investigated the children's self-worth, self-esteem, and ability to cope with stress. Ayduk found that preschoolers who could delay gratification exhibited higher self-worth, self-esteem, and stress-coping skills in adulthood than those who could not.

Finally, in 2013, Schlam and others found a .20-point reduction in their BMI for each minute of delayed gratification. These three later reviews collectively constitute the famous marshmallow experiment we all hear about.

Socioeconomic Status

A 2018 study was designed to overcome the original study's two shortcomings. One was the small sample size, and the other was that the children were all Sanford staff offspring, meaning they had a better socioeconomic status and came from a more academic upbringing. While Mischel's findings were based on a small cohort of mostly middle-class preschoolers at Stanford's Bing Nursery School, they were not replicated in a larger, more representative sample of preschool-aged children. Watts, Duncan, and Quan found a weaker association between early-stage ability to delay gratification and later-stage academic achievement than those using Mischel's data. Indeed, the researchers concluded that socioeconomic status had the largest effect on the children's better SAT scores, BMI, and emotional well-being. 1,2,3

Correlation Is Not Causation

In the 2005 book Freakonomics, the authors state that abusive parents hinder their children's success, while parents' efforts to provide educational stimulation have no impact. What matters is the parents' education and interest in reading, not their actions. They go as far as to say that the number of books in the house correlates to their children's success. Clearly, the presence of inanimate objects doesn’t change children’s later behavior, so something else is going on. One explanation for this odd correlation is that the parents may have encouraged their children to read to increase their working knowledge. We will never know because the researchers did not investigate any further confounding factors. So, even if they did not read, the children perhaps knew it could help them if they ever did. 4

Either way, socioeconomic status affects lifestyle, so Watts, Duncan, and Quan could be correct about socioeconomic status.

Encouraging Effort

Research by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck hits nearer the mark on parental input for the eventual adult success of their children. She has revealed that when children are praised for their intelligence, they are less likely to persevere. However, they become more motivated and work harder when praised for their effort. Praising your child's effort rather than their grades or scores is important to encourage perseverance and potential success. 5

Conclusion

It is difficult to predict how our children will fare as adults. The factors are legion and complicated, so I would not fill my bookshelves believing it could help my children become more successful. For the same reason, I would not tempt them with treats, thinking it could give me insight into their eventual status as adults. Rather, I would encourage them to keep trying and let them watch me do the same. They may eventually correlate perseverance with success. After all, the only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.